The Waterboatmen – By Mathew Woods    

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The whirring of the giant waterboatmen again had my friends Big Lin and Cut Tail perplexed, we wondered why it would release such sweet smelling faeces next to all those tangly bits we'd got caught in before and why did the big insect now propel itself from the rear? Maybe those old ladies were feeding them some dodgy bread.

As me, Lin and Tail watched on, The Mug came along and started to follow the trail of faeces and even started to eat it, it was disgusting to watch because The Mug started to get his head down in all the bits and pieces coming from the big black bug.
Suddenly, there were sirens blazing down the danger line that was in the lake, and The Mug was running away for his life!
Lin said to Cut Tail "You'd have thought he would have learned by now," and Cut tail laughed that if The Mug got hooked any more often his lips would drop off.
After The Mug was returned, Lin looked through the hole in the weed bed, and saw the waterboatman drifting above us "We best move before he drops his plug and does his business let's go and see Bruno," she said. As we drifted through the weed beds we saw old Bruno in a bit of trouble, he was caught in some line and his flanks looked badly damaged.
"Oh no," I said, "Bruno's caught in some tangly bits, let's go and help him." We hurried over and noticed that Bruno was caught up among some braided mainline, which was cutting into his flesh, Bruno yelled "I thought I was safe in here, those humans can't usually reach this far but somehow they've managed it. The black bug was here earlier, I think he had something to do with it."

Just as Bruno complained about his agony, he was hauled away from us, attached to a danger line; we think the humans were going to inspect him again to see if he was okay. When he came back he was a bit shook up, but fortunately, he had that magic cream on him that heals our wounds, those sharper danger lines are dodgy and I'm glad I've never been gashed by one.

We decided that it was time for some lunch and went over to see if there were any pea mussels in the margins. We met up with one of the young girls and we started to discuss the giant waterboatman that seemed to be conspiring against us.
"I saw a white one the other day," enthused Dippy, the sexy young lady carp we all fancied. She was a bit daft, but boy did she look good. "I thought it was a swan but it had those funny symbols on it, maybe it was an albino waterboatman!"
We all giggled, but confused, we wondered where this race of giant bugs were coming from. "Maybe they're something to do with those humans that Big Dave calls Noddies," I said, "We've had a few of them on here and they get up to all sorts."

Big Dave was the human that used to treat us really well. Giving us lots of free food and making sure we stayed nice and wet when he was inspecting us. He always seemed really happy, and the only one of us he hadn't caught yet was Mary, the biggest carp in our lake. Dave caught me on one of those big square floater bugs, the dead ones that smell really nice. It was warm that day and it felt quite nice out on dry land.
Big Lin said that she didn't think there were any Noddies allowed near us anymore, explaining that the guy named Bay Leaf stopped them coming here. "Well maybe it's the humans and they've build a new catcher" I said, "Maybe they just got it a bit wrong, we already know they can be quite mean, they get hooks in us and pull us onto dry land, so I wouldn't put it past them."
Dippy said, "Why don't we find the big bug and see if you're right, if all of us are there we can see if there's a rig among the stuff that comes down," which was probably the only good idea the young lass will ever have in her life.
We marched off together, all trying our best chat up lines on the girls and getting slapped around the gills for being rude. Bruno seemed less stressed now and was looking forward to our expedition. "If this works Dippy, you're a star," he said. Bless him, the poor old chap tries his best with the ladies but he just doesn't have it in him anymore, if you know what I mean.

"Hold on guys, do you hear that? It's the bug!" I said, as we drifted towards some snags. "Be careful now guys, there's still a few tangly bits in here still so watch your back and make sure you don't get the rig in your mouth if it's there," demanded Big Lin, she was giving us less rig-clever carp instructions. "Eat the stuff, I know it seems disgusting but if it smells like good then it
probably tastes good as well, but feed in a sucking and blowing motion, so if you get the hook you can easily spit it out."
Me and Bruno didn't feed properly, just let out bubbles. We could hear people talking about 'fizz' or something on the bank, but we carried on.
After a short time, Big Lin jolted and her fins stood very still. "Don't bolt!" I shouted as Lin looked at us in Dismay. The danger line was an invisible one so it was hard for us to figure out, Lin tried turning upside down and blowing, but nothing was happening.
"Oh no Lin, you're hooked aren't you?" said Cut Tail, as Lin went white as a sheet and gently nodded her head.
We yelled for her to stay still as we thought about what to do, and as we were doing so the big boat came back over us. "Don't panic! Stay calm, just close your eyes and bear it," yelled Cut Tail, "Nobody move!" he said, "Lin don't worry - because we WILL sort it out."
As we sat shaking, with our fins over our eyes, we could feel the faeces raining down on us, it was horrible, but as soon as it stopped we looked up to see Lin still struggling with the hook.
Bruno wondered over, being the wise old fella he is, and whispered something into Lin's ear. Quickly, Lin pinned her lips to the lake bed and shortly afterwards the rig was gone. "It IS the humans!" said Lin, "Quick, get everybody and we'll tell them what's going on!"
I went down to the shallow bay to get Mom and Dad, who were having mussels with Mary. When we arrived back at the scene of Lin's rig spit, we decided to jump around a bit so we could explain what had happened in detail. We flashed our tails and rolled on the surface, as this usually brings a bomb and a hook to where we are. If it was the humans, we thought, a lead would
come over, and if it didn't come on it's own, it would come with the waterboatman.
Sure enough, the big black shadow made it's way over to us and Mary said that even though she would normally bolt away, she would stay. Mary's very cynical, she hasn't seen dry land for two years because she only eats mussels. She's the only Musseltarian among us, although Grassy reckons he's a Vegetarian, despite always being seen munching on the floaters.

Mary was on edge, we all were, as Lin explained how the boat was a device from the humans. The stuff rained down, and sure enough, the first bit to drop was a big bomb and a rig, this time one of those bendy ones with a bright circle, which I was tempted to eat because they're lovely! Mary didn't believe it and was so sure that we were making it up that she
said "I don't believe you young'uns. Watch me now, I bet if I eat that nothing will happen."
She wondered over, took the bait in her mouth, and whilst the bug still floated above us she bolted away into the snags.
"Mary what are you doing?" asked Lin, as the rest of us screamed. Mary soon got tangled up after the sirens flooded the area and in a moment, just like that, a big snapping noise made us all stop and watch. Mary was caught up big time, she couldn't get loose, she'd got rid of the hook, but the bomb was still on the danger line and wouldn't come off like they sometimes do. She was completely stuck and the line had cut under her gill plates, she was bleeding really badly and we could hear shouts for the Bay Leaf from the bank.
From nowhere, the biggest waterboatman we have ever seen came along, but we couldn't see Bay Leaf anywhere, maybe it was a new Bay Leaf, because that's what they called him? This waterboatman was huge and we wondered if this was the mother of all the
other ones?
We saw a net come into the water and it took the bleeding Mary away from us in one foul swoop. We panicked... some of us cried... and after hours and hours of searching... we never saw Mary ever again after that day and we never saw any waterboatmen ever again either, other than the mother from time to time, but that always had some humans on it and always came to save us.

That year was an awful year, and now I'm the biggest carp in the lake, after taking up the Mussel diet. I haven't seen the bank for a while, not since all those rig lessons from Big Lin, they come in handy if I'm ever temped by
those fluorescent balls.
The banks have been much quieter now Mary has gone, so the chances of getting caught is lower anyway, but still, at least those bugs have gone, although we often find their faeces all over the place. It must have been the humans, but they're nice to us now. This year when we spawned they weren't allowed to chase us, so we all feel a little less embarrassed and even Dippy was a lot friskier this year.
There was some new food that had been coming in a few months in to the year as well and some fella called Jim was giving it to us.
In a few days Jim proceeded to catch Dippy, Big Lin, Cut Tail, Bruno, Grassy, The Mug, Mom, Dad, and even myself. That stuff tasted great and Jim was really nice to us on the bank. He laid us on this really big cushion, kept us really wet, made sure our fins were pointing the right way before he lifted us in the mesh bag and even got in the water with us to put us back,  he reminds me a bit of Big Dave, and we heard him mutter something about a bloke called Terry who would be at the lake soon. Apparently we should look out for him.

By Mathew Woods.  

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